This interview originally appeared on O.Schcool in 2022.

How did you learn about sex as a young person?

My family was always quite open about sex (and religion) and there was never any sense that sex was something bad or shameful. It was always very easy to talk to them. No questions were off-limits, and all were answered. I’m so fortunate to be able to say that. I’ll always greatly appreciate the way my parents handled my inquisitive nature, especially how they encouraged me to ask questions and keep an open mind.

What were your early experiences with porn like?

I’m from Canada, so the first erotica I can recall watching were “blue movies” that used to be on late night TV. My girlfriends and I would all sit in front of the TV and try to make out what people were doing, through the “snow”, because the signal was scrambled. I don’t ever remember looking for my parents’ porn, but I did have a number of friends who knew exactly where their parents hid not only the adult VHS movies, but also the booze; kids will be kids.

What does ethical porn mean to you, and why do we need alternatives to mainstream porn?

Ethical porn is not a film style, it’s a way of doing business, and its importance is ultimately self-evident. For me, as an adult filmmaker, ethical porn includes, but is not limited to: full transparency, agency, open communication, consent, fair pay, safe working conditions, inclusivity and respect. Moreover, we always allow performers to choose who they wish to work with, and we avoid using tropes and stereotypes in our marketing in favor of humanizing people.

Sssh.com is also a very collaborative studio. I believe this greatly enhances our storylines, character development, and how sex is portrayed in our movies. We try to work with real-life couples as much as possible and we are always open to how we can do better.

I also personally know of many mainstream studios that are also ethical, even if they don’t use the term “ethical porn” in their marketing. The industry has changed significantly over the years, and continues to do so. Unfortunately, we might still be haunted by some outdated myths, but the fact is, the adult industry has more female directors, producers, and independent content creators than ever before–so actors have much more power and autonomy than they did in years past, which is great.

At the end of the day, you always need “alternatives” to what is mainstream in any given field in order to ensure a greater diversity of perspective.

How did you decide to found Sssh.com?

My husband (who is the founder of Wasteland.com) and I got involved in the very early days (1994) of the online adult entertainment industry. From the start, I was confused and frustrated by the lack of films and other content aimed at women as consumers, and the lack of content from a female perspective or showing mutual pleasure. Everything was geared towards a male point of view and men’s fantasies, with depictions of male pleasure, and very little or nothing for us. When I questioned people in the industry as to why, they told me there was no market for women. “Women just don’t watch porn” or “women are not visual” was the common refrain. That was in 1998.

I wanted to change that. Although, at the time I was not sure what that looked like in practice, that’s why I started asking women via our survey what they wanted to see or experience.

By 1999, the first primitive version of Sssh.com was born on our corporate website, along with our survey, which has now been running for 23 years. Yes, we have 23 years of data on desire – specifically female desire.

What advice would you give to someone who wants to explore what brings them pleasure, but isn’t sure where to start?

As the late Betty Dodson showed us throughout her career, sometimes all you need is privacy and a mirror. Before toys or partners come into the equation, it’s absolutely necessary to explore yourself and see, based on your own touch, what feels good. It’s also vital to develop a positive self image and really love and feel comfortable in your body.

In porn, of course, there’s an obvious emphasis on the body – but so much of what enables or enhances your pleasure really goes beyond the flesh. Your biggest erogenous zone is between your ears, and many people don’t give their own erotic imagination enough attention. Tune in to the thoughts and feelings that bring excitement to your body, and you’ll be on your way.

Sssh.com offers original films, guided masturbation, audio stories, podcasts, original novels, adult sex education videos, articles and other content to help you discover new pleasure techniques. We also have a strong community that loves to share their experiences.

How has being a woman shaped your relationship with porn?

On one hand I feel my gender does not affect my relationship with porn, but on the other, I think I view porn differently.  As a filmmaker does being a woman mold my vision, or how I pick the stories I tell, or how I represent them?  I would say yes - but I feel any filmmaker would say that.   I’m also sure it impacts and influences me in ways of which I’m not even aware.

What do you think is important for young adults to know about porn?

I fully sympathize with anyone who once turned to porn to learn about sex. However, I want to be clear: porn is not in itself sex ed, nor do we market it as such. Porn is a staged fantasy–it’s a work of fiction like any other movie meant for entertainment purposes. It’s not a standard to which you should hold your real-life sexual intimacy with a partner to.

That being said, yes there are some wonderful explicit sex ed articles and videos out there specifically designed for adults; Sssh.com has a huge collection of this sort of content for our members where you can learn techniques, positions, and even the basics of kink.

In any case, watching sexual material that is intended as educational is a far cry from watching regular porn. For anyone watching porn–not just young adults–I cannot stress enough how important it is to contextualize what you see as a staged performance and separate fantasy from reality.

For one example: the often acrobatic positions you see in adult are possible because adult performers are professionals and are sexual athletes who have trained their bodies. You being intimate in the moment with a real life partner is incalculably different from paid actors who follow a script.

Additionally, what you don’t see in that perfectly edited final cut of a porn scene are the discussions about consent and negotiations that happen before the cameras are even rolling. In real life, you should never assume your partner wants x-y-z without prior communication and consent just because you saw paid actors doing it in a porn movie. As they say, you don’t learn to drive by watching Hollywood’s “Fast and Furious” and you also shouldn’t be trying to imitate what you see in a porn movie. Sex with a real-life consenting partner is always going to be a different experience, period.

With all that aside, porn offers many benefits to adults who want to explore their fantasies solo or with a partner. With so many different genres and styles, there’s really no end to what might capture your erotic imagination.

For some people, porn is cathartic in how it makes them realize they aren’t alone for being turned on by certain things, and if you are watching solo, there’s a real freedom in finding your release and getting to explore on your own terms with zero judgment.

Porn can definitely inspire some hot nights and put you in the mood. No matter what you’re into, the important thing is always to communicate and be on the same page—and totally respect your partner’s wishes if they aren’t interested or comfortable with something. Never judge or belittle each other’s fantasies or compare yourselves to those professional actors.

As long as you both consent to what you’re watching and maintain open communication with each other, porn can definitely be a wonderful tool to add to your sexual repertoire.

Also the broader topic of sexual wellness is becoming less “taboo” you can find plenty of useful information in mainstream magazines and sites–so you can actually learn plenty about sex without ever watching porn, if that’s what you prefer.

Last, but far from least. Please pay for your porn. Help support the studios and people that bring you the movies you enjoy.  Ask yourself, would you work for free?

What’s surprised you the most since founding Sssh.com?

While there were some skeptics in the beginning, believe it or not, people within the industry have been very supportive – and our members have been incredibly encouraging. I’m also tickled that many people I’ve met outside of the adult industry have been very accepting and curious – in fact, it’s made for some fun and interesting dinner conversations over the years.

I’m humbled and honored by how popular Sssh.com has become and by the longevity of the brand. I’m consistently amazed by the feedback we get from our fans and members, who have contributed so much to my understanding of human sexuality and desire.  After all everything on Sssh.com is there because a member has requested it. It’s really gratifying to hear people say that Sssh.com has improved their lives – and not just by providing them with quality entertainment.  We are in the business of desire and our job is to deliver what is desired, period.

I'm always learning.  Technology changes so fast and I love the challenges. How you can make a seemingly one-dimensional website take on a life of its own, by making it feel warm and welcoming. How films and stories can bring people together and help them truly connect.  My time as an internet entrepreneur has taught me that everything online moves at an accelerated pace. As an online business, if you think you’re standing still,  the truth is you’re going backwards. Innovation is mission-critical.

What’s your favorite thing about working in this space?

The incredible people I get to meet through my work make even the most stressful days totally worth it. I am also continually grateful for the opportunities I have to be creative, to pursue my vision with integrity, and grow. And of course, there’s no greater pleasure than seeing or hearing about how my work has made a positive difference for someone out there in the world. I am beyond happy when I get an email from a member telling me that Sssh.com helped them rekindle the spark in their marriage–or that they decided to try something new and finally had that knee-shaking, mind-blowing orgasm. Trust me when I say: the pleasure is all mine!