Sexy Band Names! Pussy Riots, Sex Pistols and Butthole Surfers
by Admin
It’s days like this when I wish I were Russian.
That country’s feminist punk rock band “Pussy Riot” is in the news again. If you follow the reports, you’ll know that the whole band was thrown in jail for advocating political views that ran contrary to those of Russian President Vladimir Putin. When he’s not being all James Bond badass by shooting tigers or flying helicopters or beating people at Judo, Putin relaxes by locking up people he doesn’t like.
But in the case of Pussy Riot, he’s making a terrible mistake. Russia will never be a world leader if they silence the band with the greatest name ever. I feel cool just saying “Pussy Riot,” and am kind of jealous we don’t have any bands here with names even as remotely awesome.
It’s not that rockers haven’t tried. There were the Sex Pistols, but that was a long time ago and they were British and the lead singer’s dead now. There’s Butthole Surfers, which is a bit too obvious to be cool and I don’t think they’ve ever done anything illegal. Some of the other names like “Pearl Jam” are suggestive but not as in your face as Pussy Riot. I read somewhere that Axl Rose is an anagram for Oral Sex. I guess that might appeal to a woman drunk enough to find Axl Rose attractive, but groupie blow jobs are hardly original.
To find anything even remotely edgy you have to go underground. And by underground I mean Massachussetts, where there’s a band called Anal Cunt. I had to dig around to find this one. Their style is “grindcore,” a musical genre with which I am blessedly unfamiliar. I always learn something when I write this column and today I’ve learned that grindcore doesn’t consist of pre-written lyrics, just a lot of “loud, fast, aggressive noise.”
Not my thing, but apparently some folks out there love them, some Anal Cunt, because the band has recorded eight albums, including “Fuckin’ A.”
Unfortunately, the band’s style may never catch on, so the only way for the band to end up famous is to go to Russia and piss of Vladimir Putin. I think they should hold a concert and announce they’re making him an honorary “Anal Cunt,” and then point out that the last name “Putin,” which is really “Put In” was just made for a member of Anal Cunt.
They’d probably end up executed, but at least music sales would go through the roof and we’d all have an excuse to say, “Anal Cunt” when someone asks what we’re listening to on our iPod.
One of my favorite singers is Amanda Palmer, formerly half of the duo “Dresden Dolls.” But even she realizes that it helps to be edgy if you’re stuck with an ordinary name like Amanda Palmer. So she sometimes refers to herself as “Amanda Fucking Palmer,” and that’s who I tell people I’m listening to when they ask. Amanda. Fucking. Palmer. I hope she never goes to Russia and pisses anyone off, because I’d be really sad if she stopped making music.
So I’ll settle for Amanda Fucking Palmer until Pussy Riot gets out of prison and comes to America where it’s safer. Maybe they can open for Anal Cunt when they get here. That would be the best concert since Anal Cunt opened for Shit Scum. Yes it happened. But that’s a whole other story…
